They say the longest journey starts with a single step. And sometimes you find yourself walking along with the greatest of confidence and than some days you find yourself wanting to run back from the direction you came, unable to breath, on the verge of passing out, on the edge of a full blown panic attack. You are thinking "What the hell did you do/have done!" That is the day I am having today. Sitting in what use to be my home realizing I spend almost 7 years here tending to the place. Trying my best to make it a home and slowly am disappearing from it.
The furniture I took so much time configuring has been moved. All my books and papers are packed up n the office with other misc items making it look more like a storage unit than my office. All the pictures of me-me and the family, me and the husband-taken down in the house. Surely he would leave up one so the kids can remember what I look like the way I hung a pic of him in each of their rooms when he was deployed... But no, I guess not.
The Christmas tree is up and strung with lights without me having touched a single branch or bulb. The decorations I spent years collecting and making-placed wherever he saw fit. It's clear that this is no longer my home....but merely a place where I pick my kids up and drop them off like an airport of bus station.
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