Up again at 4 am. Driving through the neighborhood everyone has their Christmas lights up on their houses. It doesn't even feel like Christmas. Besides the fact that it is 62 degrees and raining. I am so consumed with second guessing myself and trying to figure out what to do next that I haven't had time to enjoy anything this season.
Life is full of humor. I espically like irony. When you are no longer the significant other you loose access to the bank account, home computer, bedroom. I had a chuckle this morning when the man that I have been married to for 10 years and have seen naked endless times closed the door to his bedroom to get dressed from getting out of the shower. Lose of access.
And damn my overactive imagination. I still love the man and sexual desires as we all know do not diminish with the parting of ways. Sometimes I have all I can do from grabbing onto him and I saw his belly today while he was tieing his pants. It almost sent me over the edge. ( I was in the bedroom yesterday smelling his worn t-shirt.) Damn it, this sucks.
Like I mentioned before the X has found a babysitter to watch the kids now that I am working. She's fine, lovely, more than qualified with nanny experiance and early Ed college classes. It's handing over the reins that I dislike. I had to do it before, but it has been awhile since than and you go throught the whole process over again of giving up control and letting someone else care for your children. Damn it, this sucks.
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